I started to remember all the times my kids were young. (Probably didn't help I was reading a Parenting magazine). I remembered how EASY it used to be, at least in the worry department.
You see, I've always been a worrier.
Just ask Brent. He tells anyone and everyone that I worry enough for the both of us.
It's probably true.
So, I sat there and thought, sure I worried as a young mother. I worried when they were sick as babies, I worried when they cried for no reason, and I really worried when Evan was late to talk.
As they got older and more independent, and could talk to me easier, it seemed to lessen, the worrying.
Then they started school. I hoped that they wouldn't be made fun of, or that they would get good grades, or that they wouldn't be mean to someone else. I worried about if Brent and I had done a good enough job teaching them their manners, and how to be nice to others, and how to respect their teachers.
I still worry a lot about those things, just in greater detail now.
I sat in the office, yesterday, hoping and praying (something I find myself doing ALL the time) that they wouldn't have any cavities. I knew Grace, being more mature, could handle it if they needed to fill a cavity, but I knew Evan would not be ok. I worried about how much cavities cost to fill, and I worried again that the dentist would tell us that one or both of them should have an orthodontic evaluation. (Thankfully NONE of this happened.)
I probably go overboard with the worrying. I know God has my back, and I know he doesn't like worrying.
It's just, I never thought being a mom would be so hard, would bring me to my knees (figuratively speaking) so often.
I knew I would love my children with all my heart, and I do, totally, but their hurt is my hurt, and it kills me.
It's something I think about all the time. Have I been a good enough mother so far? Has my worrying really benefitted anyone? (probably not.)
I know God doesn't put anything in our paths that he believes we cannot handle. So, all the hurdles as parents are to make us stronger, to make us grow in our faith.
I KNOW THIS. It's just doing it that's hard.
I wouldn't trade all these 11 years in for anything. I have the best kids around, and I hope everyone else can see that too.
As far as the worrying....I'm still workin' on that!
just read a chapter for you, "having a mary heart in a martha world" chapter 3. :) i know you're into reading, so you might even have the book!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean because I too am a worrier and if a big decision is involved then I'm a second guesser because I worry about if I made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, you could have just been describing ME! My 'kids' are going to be 23 and 21 in a few days and I STILL worry about everything.
ReplyDeleteAlways a mom,
chris
Ditto, ditto, ditto to all! Let me just share with you.....it doesn't ever stop or goes away! My kids are now 27 and 29 and I still worry....but not only about them, now I have their spouses and my grand-babies! I think worry is just part of being a mom. By the way, my hubby always tells me I am the "worryingest" person! My 1yr old grandson is battling 2 ear infections this week (his first), they live in Texas and I can not tell you how me and my girl have been burning up the phone lines....I recieved a text this morning at 6:00am saying "Mom, you up?"....once a mom, always a mom and with that title comes worry :)
ReplyDeleteJust wait until they start driving and dating.....ah-ya-ya!
I try so hard not to worry as well. Being a mom is certainly a lot harder than we ever thought it would be isn't it!
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